Becoming Empty

As I sit in the sun, languishing like a cat, my thoughts drift to my life. Lately I have been spending a lot of time alone, sitting in silence and feeling the depth of it. The silence is sad, it's dark, it surrounds you like a blanket. But just like a blanket, there is something comforting about it. It's warm, not cold. It's heavy, but reassuring. It's a layer of protection, yet it keeps you separated from the space around you.

I realize that as I sit in the silence, I am becoming empty. Now emptiness is not a bad thing, in fact it's very good. It's a form of clearing out. Funny how my outer world is mirroring my inner world. Lately I have been clearing out my home - my storage space, my closets, my cupboards. Clearing out that which is unneeded and creating space for what may come. So, as I embark on this silent journey of clearing out my inner space, I am actually becoming empty in anticipation of new adventures.

Retirement is an interesting ride. Something we wait for our whole lives. I remember when my colleagues retired how excited I was at one day getting there myself. Now, here I am and my decision is inspiring friends and colleagues to look at their lives. But what no one tells you is the strangeness it brings. It is joy, yes, but it is strange. What does one do with themself when they no longer base their worth on their accomplishments?

I remember the feeling of a job well done. The sense of pride in accomplishment. Yet, now some days my biggest accomplishment is getting out for a walk. It is a whole new world where success is not judged in the doing but in the being. I am becoming empty, and that is a good thing. Not something to be feared, but something to be proud of. Not many people get there I think. I think most people are busy stuffing and numbing instead of feeling and releasing. It is definitely not a journey for the meek. Sitting in your own silence is deafening.

So, my friends, I leave you with this. Are you willing to become empty, to sit with the silence of your past? To clear out the cobwebs and skeletons in your closet in order to make room for newness and joy? How would you begin your journey into silence? And most importantly, how will you know when you are there?